Crisis Of Thoughts

The crisis of thoughts leads me to believe that the colossal virgin mind has abandoned me of its virtues pure and honest. I did consult my heart for the reasons thereof. For which I got no reply as of. Letting my mind loiter for sometime I was, waiting for a reply and for my mind for it does come back after sometime to the place where it started from, but. Seems disinterested in ventures anymore, for I am its beau but still it doesn’t respond to my feelings and desires, I tired to educe the response again,failed.Sometimes its me,sometimes my mind and sometimes my thoughts that have a ruling hand upon me,but I can’t recognize which one is when.This does give me a hazy picture of the state to which I am being a witness to .complete disorder.For no reasons do I get happy and for reasons not known do I get sad. What can be said of such a condition?The thoughts come incognito seeming to give immense pleasure when its there but as the time passes by,it leaves with enormous wounds given to the mind,the mind gets disturbed and looses its patience,stops functioning leading to a chaos between the thought,mind and the heart.What a pathetic situation I am left in.As all these changes are going inside me but I show a picture of complete silence and satisfaction.Why is it that I am being cheated by my inner self?Why is it that its not telling me about my own faults? Or is it that I am forgetting myself,or is it that I am not listening to what my inner self my unconscious mind has to say. An alien thought,an alien mind an alien heart seems to be taking control over me gradually,but why is it doing that,why does it want to win over me?Why is it fighting a man who has nothing to lose? The colors of life which I have owned through a lifetime are fading away and a new bunch of colors seems to get imprinted upon my life.These colors have a different impact then what my original homely colors had. They never did look like a rainbow but these,yes they do.these little things are changing me bit by bit and I am afraid that I might change myself totally adapting to these new colors. Not afraid of the new task I have laid in front of me but I am surely afraid of loosing what I really had,the inner self the inner me.May the restless mind rest in peace,for I know of its non existence anymore and also know that that as reincarnation of my mind is no more possible. its not human , its more like the wind , like the sea waves which if it dies once can never come back to life again as for its retreat,can it ever do that,no,its not possible for my mind never ever does loose hope. It actually keeps on going, fighting and knows only how to go on. So the question of its retreat never rises as it never will, but I wish it could.I know I will be missing the magnetic and holy power of my mind to attract similar and divine thoughts towards it,but I also know that I will remain happy with whatever I am left with. For I know how to compromise and compromise I will as have always done,I am satisfied with the silence and the empty space which the ever going mind has created in me.This new and a guest mind have a problem,it does not need a reason to be happy what it needs is just a will;a will to smile makes the mind smile. Amazing!Continuous and vigorous changes of the attitude of the mind towards my thoughts have completely changed the whole scenario. A time when I thought that my mind worked with my thought and heart harmoniously, it actually had stopped functioning totally. Why is this change taking place, why is it that this is happening at this time, why did it not choose a different time ? Why?. No guesses as I think I might know the answer. Let me try seeing if I believe what I know is true . may be the time is testing me of my abilities to draw back my thoughts to the place where they belong . will I be able to withdraw them. May be may be not , but whatever the case is , I will remain in the same state as it is . the state of dilema….


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