Lord am i guilty?


This feeling of guilt has played an important part in my life, there have been times when I have not enjoyed the things around me because I was busy trying to think about the guilt that I had in my mind , was actually trying to clear my mind out of it . It has played a role of creating confusion and havoc in my life and it has interestingly dampened my ability to really enjoy my life to the fullest.
I was wandering where does this come from , may be my mom or my dad , they keep on telling me what’s going wrong in my life, and my pals too, sometimes it makes me feel there’s nothing that’s going fine around me ,and I end up with a guilt feeling of loosing everything and not doing them well. I keep on wandering around those thoughts then I realize hey all this that has happened, has happened in the past and there’s nothing I can do about it now, but thinking about all those things now, I am certainly ruining the present, the present is so beautiful but I cannot see it because of the guilt I have in my mind which has become more precious to me then my present, the past phew its there in my mind doesn’t it go. It because I am not letting it to , it is ready to go , to leave me it he hands of future but its me who is not ready to part away with it. My future actions sometimes depend upon the experience I have had in the past which is totally illogical as the future is always different form the present and the past , I don’t realize it and my small intelligence in my small brain does not allow it either, pathetic.
So when I realized I was being penalized of the things that had happened in the past, I started forgetting them and not only that, I stopped having guilt trip after that, soon there was none and there’s not going to be any, my mind feels so light now, as now I don’t have a guilt feeling about anything and that is what gives me so much of satisfaction if my thirst for fresh and light air has been fulfilled after a gap of few lives. This took me sometime as I had to travel a lot inside myself to find out where all this coming from, and finally after traveling for sometime I found the place, well there was a heap of it, GUILT yes that was it, a heap of it, it took time cleaning that space in me but yes I was successful and I have a clear mind today.
When I started writing this I thought why writing about it , its something which everybody has and everyone has been going through the same thing and everybody has it in their mind, why speak about it at all, well Its just an effort of mine to let you know that I have been through something and how I have come out of it , it was not easy at all, I have tried to get out of it so many times and still have few things which linger in my mind and that is why my mind still wants to speak about it , this is my last effort to let it go and I am sure that from today onwards I have no more. Don’t know, I am not sure about it, but the effort I am putting into it will certainly help in the long run, I hope. Well even if it doesn’t I will certainly have a satisfaction believing that I tried. I have heard people going into depression because of it, even committing crime like suicide , which is totally inhuman, this is my effort to let everybody who reads this to let them know , the guilt feeling is just a feeling its something you gave birth to, and which takes birth has to die to before it kills you why don’t you kill it, and believe me for committing this crime you will not be punished, that’s where the feeling a being safe with yourself lies, if you have guilt and you carry it for long , that is the time you are more dangerous to yourself and less to others. Some people have the quality of raising doubts about you and even convincing you that you are not what your are, they help you in killing yourself, stay away from these species they are very dangerous.
Realization of the fact that guilt is something we carry ourselves with us and it does not belong to us at all, it comes if we want it to, there might have been times when we have gone wrong , rather then having the guilt feeling why not try rectifying it a bit, at least the feeling that we have tried takes us away from guilt feeling, sometimes the guilt comes incognito taking a shape of some other problem ,which we don’t realize that this is there because of the guilt feeling we have in or unconscious mind, common get out of it and see that the things that are coming are more important , its not healthy to live with it.
The day you are free of your guilt that day onwards you will have a free life, a life of your own a life you can be proud of, few things go wrong in life , they don’t tend to take the path you want to but that does not mean you wanted it to be the way it went, it happened because it had to, you tried you best to do it well, it didn’t , its fine we are human and we can mistakes, don’t be scared to make mistakes and once that has happened don’t stop learning from what went wrong rather then getting and carrying the negative feelings from it why don’t you carry the positive part of it with you, that will help, and you will be a refined man then.
But there are few things I have tried , not to do things the way I have done , to be more thoughtful when I am doing it, carefully studying the results expected and unexpected, which might turn up, and then having a clear feeling in my mind that whatsoever happens it s not going to effect my mind at all. So today happily I can say. I am guilty no more my lord.

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